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Game on...
April 20, 2001
Last night, which technically was this morning, I smoked so much hooka that I fainted and passed out on the bathroom floor of Sinbad's. Bam and I went there after he got out of work around 11:00 and we shared a hooka of Sinbad's Apple-flavored sheesha. We sat down and smoked that for a good hour or so until I had to get up to go to the bathroom. I felt light-headed and dizzy, and stumbled on a few chairs as I walked through the place, but I made it to the bathroom and propped myself against the wall until the two guys ahead of me in line let me go before them. I walked through the door and right away leaned against it as it closed behind me. I couldn't stand up, I was stumbling and fumbling around like a raving retard. From there I can't remember too much of what happened. I'm a jackass. I looked in the mirror at myself and thought, I feel drunk as hell. I couldn't keep my balance and sitting down or leaning on shit was really comfortable. That must have been the point at which I fainted and crashed into stuff in the bathroom, like the trashcan or something, probably making enough noise for someone to come in and discover me lying on the bathroom floor, completely out cold. All I remember from being on the floor was thinking, "I better get up, or people will think I'm taking too long in here... Those guys are waiting for this bathroom.. get up.. God, this floor is comfortable..." I didn't give a shit that it was dirty public bathroom tile. I was so ass-out, my face was right on the cold floor and I wasn't moving.
April 21, 2001
Jordan, who I hadn't seen in six months, called me today to tell me he was spinning at a house party tonight. So me and Bam went to that, and I got to see Jordan behind turntables for the first time. He's pretty good. There were a couple other guys spinning too, but different kinds of music. We didn't stay long since I was dying from allergies to the house cat. Someone stole my cigarettes (those bastards.. is nothing sacred) but there were a couple kegs, and we also met two of Jordan's silly friends who danced with each other at times and looked really gay. It was entertaining. Bam thought they all danced like crackheads. He noticed one guy looked especially effeminate because of how much he was shaking his ass as he danced. He "shook his bon-bon." Then there were a couple older black couples sitting on the couch, who look like you'd find them at a big family reunion or something eating soul food, but one guy had the chains on his neck and the jerry curl, his girlfriend wearing the red high heels and blue jeans. Anyway, the women were wasted, and the hostess was trying to get them to dance. They finally did, but only for two minutes before they collapsed on the couch again and started drinking again. I was trying to get Kings and everyone to come to the party, but he and the guys were at Cheetah's getting lap dances and stuff, so they went home exhausted I'm sure.
April 22, 2001
Kings woke me up today around 11:50 a.m. since I had the day off and told me they were all going to the beach. So Nick and Ed and Kings with his little brother picked me up, and I decked myself out in the pink rollerskating outfit to match my rollerskates. We picked up Jarhead and headed out for P.B. There were eight of us and they needed me to play tackle football, so I entertained that for a little while until I could get a hold of Bam to meet us at the beach too. I was the only goddamn girl playing football with seven big burly fellows. They even made special exceptions for me and shit. My whole job was to snap the ball to Jared or Ed and have a reason to bend over. I even tried to get a hold of Jon because no one else there could skate with me, and I ended up not getting to skate. The bearings on my skates are fucked up anyway, so I wore them in the sand for a little while. Eventually Ed's friend Matt met up with us and replaced me on Nick's team. I'm sure everyone that was sitting on the beach before that was watching us all play football and keeping an eye on me, the little girl in pink with the pigtails, cuz I didn't know what the fuck I was doing and I'm sure it was obvious.
April 23, 2001
I'm super sore today from playing football yesterday, but I slept so goddamn well last night that I didn't want to get up in morning to go to work. It was my first day at work today without anyone training me, but I did pretty damn well. I really have to get paid though, shit. I think my balance is down to like, 49 cents I think. I spent all my money on food when we went to the beach. How bad is it to have money but end up smoking it and eating it by buying cigarettes and food. I fuckin hate it. Then Jordan called on my break to remind me that Mondays is when he has that gig spinning at Dream Street, but I was too tired by the time I got home that I was angry and grumpy and sore and hating damn near the whole world. My room is a goddamn pig sty, I can't see the floor. I can never see the floor.
April 23, 2000 Easter
I had nothing but bad dreams last night. I was a big cry baby. I had an extensive dream about Jake in which he had broken up with me and I heard from his new girlfriend’s friends that it was because of my tongue piercing. But it was a big lie because I never had my tongue pierced. What’s really sad is that it was also because I didn’t have any boobs. So I’m flat even in my dreams. Shit. And I was talking to the girl that was telling me this when Jake came over to see his girlfriend, and when he saw me he wanted to say hi but I was so detested with the idea of Jake with another girl that I like started screaming for him not to come near me. So I ran out and he ran after me, and we jumped in this big pool filled with green mud crap that I was rubbing onto my arms, and this mexican maid came out and served us lemonade. That’s all I remember of that. But that one was pretty sad. In another one I met Matthew Broderick and gave him shit for making the Inspector Gadget movie. I told him I thought he was so cool in Ferris Bueller’s Day off and Addicted to Love but then he made Inspector Gadget and blew it. I was crying and screaming at him and it made him cry.
April 24, 2001
Hung out with Bam tonight. I was surprisingly in a real talkative mood and not a lazy, tired asshole. The grumpiest I am all day is when we're coming home from work and after I fall asleep in the car.. when it's time to get up I'm the scariest son of a bitch piece of shit zombie ass, but tonight I was okay. We stopped at the Carmel Mtn. Plaza Texaco to get cigarettes and I saw Tyler Munson. I didn't notice him, I just saw his shirt that read "The radio still sucks." When we left the gas station he looked out the window and waved. So I waited to talk to him, but he already started leaving and I was kind of embarrassed that I got all prepared to stand there and talk to him. After going to Borders Bam and I didn't have anything to do, so I went through the address book in my phone about three thousand times looking at people's numbers and calling my friends at 11:30 at night. I called Amber and talked to her for the first time in a couple months:
Amber: Hello?
Nick: Hello?
The next thing I remember is this girl slapping my face saying, "Come on girl, compose yourself." She hung my purse around my neck as people were pulling me off the ground. There were a bunch of people in the bathroom doorway, dragging me out. Bam said they put me in a chair after that, but I don't remember a damn thing about that because I passed out again. I probably looked like this one E-tard we helped at Audiotistic who was collapsing and getting up and falling down and crawling around. That's how weak I felt. I just remember being on the floor a lot. When I opened my eyes, I saw a black sweatshirt, and looked up, and saw Bam's face. My hero. Then I looked straight ahead and there were other people standing around, looking down at me, talking about whether or not they should call an ambulance. I was sweating like a pig, and Bam said I'd been twitching. (Fuck, man. Can you believe that? What a dork I am.) As soon as I heard that I was like, "No, no, I'm fine, I'm fine." Even the owners of the place, these old Persian guys with sport jackets on, they were pacing around me. And then I started waking up. I'd made a major scene, it was really surreal, and really embarrassing. Who passes out from smoking too much hooka? What a pussy. So while I was out of it and kind of hearing people making a fuss around me, I was sort of thinking up reasons to expain why I was fucked up. I thought about saying I took like four hits of E, or I was shitfaced, diabetic, epileptic, narcoleptic, pedophiliac, anything. But the guy asked Bam if I was on anything and he said nothing. Wack.
By the time every single person in the place knew I assed-out on the bathroom floor and enough people stared at me while I sat with Bam in the corner, I was able to get up and walk to the car. I even took off my jacket as we left because I thought people would know "the girl with the red devil sweathirt was the one who passed out", and I didn't want them to notice me. As soon as we got into the car, I took off my skirt, which was damp from either the bathroom floor or my own piss, I'm still not sure. I hadn't worn any underwear that day, so I was folded up in the fetal position in just a pair of tennis shoes and a tank top in Bam's passenger seat. Sexy. I was freezing. I asked Bam to look at my chin and see if there was anything wrong with it because it was throbbing with pain along with the side of my face. I must have fallen into shit on my way down, because it looked like something skinned the bottom of my chin and the corner of my lip was cut open.
We made it to my house and Bam helped me to the door. I was still ready to faint even as I tried to unlock the front door. Bam, my hero, was holding me up as I leaned against him. I love him for that. He was so calm and caring. Why do I love it so much when guys take care of me when I'm fucked up. It's the sweetest goddamn thing in the whole world, when a guy does that. I know there isn't much else Bam could have done but help me, but I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to be holding me up, or telling me that I was fainting again. He just seemed like he knew exactly how to handle a mess like me, it made me love him so much. He must be experienced in helping faded people since all of his friends are drug machines.
So I got in the house and made it to my room, only I was awake now, and all I wanted to do was call people on the phone. It was 1:15 a.m. First I called my favorite supervisor from work, Nikki. I wanted to tell her what happened and ask her if it'd be a bad idea to call in sick the next day. Her machine came on, so I called Rodney Pratt. Rodney is a guy I was dating exactly a year ago today. On April 20th, 2000, I was hanging out with him at his friend Ryan's house getting really shitfaced on a gallon of Captain Morgan's, and I was a lot sicker than I was tonight. I talked to Rodney for a few minutes. Then I turned on the radio and waited for Howard Stern to come on, and then I fell asleep.
I ended up going to work today, only I'd called my other supervisor and told her I got hurt after I fainted from giving blood. Total load. I couldn't stay home because I had to finish training, so I went to work completely brain dead and tired and looking like shit. My chin still hurt and my lip was sore like it was the day after Bam's friend Paul tackled me into the wall, and I had to stay for the full eight hours. After I got home, I called a few people and talked to Kings. I'm probably going to see them this weekend. Thank god I have it off.
I feel like getting another hooka.
After we all decided to leave, Bam and I took off and pounded down some carne asada nachos from Cotija's. Then we went to McDonalds and I got a couple hamburgers for 84 cents. From there we went to Brian's house and visited him just as Jon arrived as well, and I gave one of my hamburgers to Brian. I didn't really know what we were doing there, and it was weird having Jon and Bam around in the same place. So we decided to leave, but not before we stopped by Cafe Crema so that I could grab a vanilla chai latte and rice krispie treat. I was hungry all day and ate all of that shit and never got full, until we went to Jack in the Box on the way to Richie's house and I got a goddamn Western Cheeseburger. Fuck that shit. I could have puked after finishing that.
While we were at Richie's house we lay around and watched cartoons until it was almost time to go and I said I felt like smoking some weed. So we did that too. And I'm sure this is redundant, but I forget how silly it is to be high. Boy does it make me happy. I'm so goddamn funny. The only thing I'm laughing at when I'm high is either the look on someone else's face or my own jokes and the little noises I'm making. I think back to all of last year and how I was so depressed and totally stressing over my asshole ex-boyfriend Kelly all the time, and only now is it dawning on me that the only answer I ever needed was to smoke a lot of weed.
Beforewe left, my unfinished rice krispy treat was sitting on the dashboard of Bam's car. On the way home, he made a sharp turn, sending the rice krispy treat sliding off the dashboard. My eyes were naturally closed during the ride home, but when we made the turn, I said "Weeeeeeeee!" and let my weight throw me into Bam. I had just also opened my eyes in time to see the rice krispy treat falling, not to mention Bam fumbling around to catch it, so I made some weird connection in my head that the rice krispy treat was actually what made the "weeeeeee" sound, not me. So the rest of the way home I was laughing my ass off at the screaming, falling rice krispy treat. It just looked like it was commiting suicide. I'd never seen anything so fuckin hilarious in my life, oh god.A year ago today...
me: Hey. [long pause] It's Michelle.
Amber: [thinks] HEY!!!
me: [after shooting the "What are you up to" bull..] I'm hanging out with Gabe and we're really bored. So I went through my phone and decided to call you.
Ambryo: Oh, so I'm your last resort?
wise-ass: You're not my last resort, you're the first name in my phone list.
I was even bored enough to give old Nick the Dick a buzz, which I never do, but did tonight just so that he can never say I don't call him.
me: Hi Nick.
Nick: Who is this?
me: It's Michelle.
Nick: Oh, then this isn't Nick. This is Nick's boyfriend.
me: Oh, hi Nick. Boyfriend. What're you doing?
Nick: Nothing, hanging out with Tom, messing with his car stereo...
me: I'm with Gabe and we're really bored.
Nick: Well you can come over but we're only gonna up for another hour.. there's nothing too exciting going on over here.
me: We're not too much excitement to contribute... [silence]
The Dick: [impatient] WELL, THANKS FOR CALLING!!!
me: You're annoying.
Nick: What?
me: I said "bye."
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