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July 24, 2002
After I met Gabe at work today we went over to Peter King's house to finally pick up all the Hurley merch he got for me. This is one of the perks of writing for their website, besides the not-so-big monthly paycheck I'm gonna get from them. He doesn't quite know my taste, but he brought me a hippy-ish peasant blouse (whichi s all the rage nowadays I guess.. unfortunately), a pair of black cords, a black skirt, a white long sleeve work shirt, boardshorts, a big tote bag, a matching makeup bag, two Hurley patches, a pair of socks (heh), and he even gave Gabe a zip-up Hurley hoodie. Totally cool guy. I have to thank him somewhere on this website. (Thank you Peter.) He gave us an MTV Cribs-esque tour of his house, which was impressingly humble. No fancy ass shmit all over the place, just a nice, quaint, old house that's very spacious and beautiful.
After that Gabe and I met up with Kings for dinner at the Hamburger Factory in Poway. We were joined by Special L, Tom's sister, Jarhead, his girlfriend and a bunch of her friends. Gabe and I felt very UN-POWAY there, whatever the hell that means. All of Jarhead's friends were a type. I didn't talk to them at all, I'm sure they're very nice people, but Jared's girlfriend said the stupidest goddamn thing we heard all night. Kings was saying something about a ferris wheel, and how they should have one right outside the restaurant since he felt like being on one. Jared's girlfriend looked over. "Ferris wheel?" she said. Kings was like, "Yeah. Ferris wheel." And she said, "Like one of these?" and she made a circular motion with her pointer finger. Gabe started laughing at her and hid behind his hamburger. Kings didn't really laugh right away, but he made her feel semi-stupid by going, "No, not one of THOSE, one of THEEEESE!" and started spinning his finger in a counter-clockwise direction. It was kind of weird eating dinner with a bunch of giggly girls. Even though I know they're cool people, even Lauren and Cheryl can get really girly sometimes. The other chicks were really tan and wore shimmery pastel eyeshadow. A lot of girls do that but I think it looks horrible. I'm sure they think smokey eyes and a pale face like mine look horrible too. The whole world is anti.
I was uncomfortably full from dinner. I think it's because I've been home and eating so much recently that my stomach is growing to ridiculous proportions. We met up with Josh at his house again after that and played some computer games, since his computer is the only thing hooked up in his house. Gabe set up Josh's fish tank in his room last night. It's huge and totally overpowers his whole room. Then we left to watch the new South Park and Crank Yankers at King's house and went home.
July 23, 2002 DREAM JOURNAL
Melissa
Her name was Melissa. She ran away from home with her baby that she didn’t want anymore, so she had Gabe throw it into the ocean for her. He never told me he did this or that they had met before I started taking care of her. She was goth. I think I stopped her from slicing her wrists in the shower. We both sat there and cried, staring at her blue baby stroller with nothing but her dead baby’s doll sitting in it. Only then did I find out that she abandoned her baby, and it made me cry. I made her cry with me. When I asked her if we could go back to where she left it to see if it was still alive, she told me Gabe had tossed it into the ocean. When I looked in the mirror I noticed that I had bleached blond hair. It was parted in the middle and pulled back, and I wore my big oval red Marilyn Manson glasses, probably so that she wouldn’t see that I was crying.
I tired everything to take care of that girl and did so much that I was exhausted. Just from trying to get her to talk to me and tell me her problems. She was such a damaged person that she was one of those who never spoke to anyone. One day Gabe said she decided to go back to her family. And she had a boyfriend there to pick her up who was waiting for me to get her things together. I was angry at Gabe for not telling me he had helped Melissa get rid of her baby that I wanted to call him a "baby killer", and remember to call him a "baby killer" if I ever got mad at him again, just to make him feel bad.
I was being rushed to pack some food for Melissa before she left. I grabbed snacks from a row of nine or ten refrigerators, with clear doors like the frozen food aisle at a grocery store. All the food was on cookie sheets just stacked upon one another. I threw cookies, muffins, donuts, more cookies, fruit snacks and jello cups onto dirty dishes, and stacked them into a plastic bag for her.
Melissa was really frail and I always shook her by the shoulders to get her to talk to me. I framed a picture of her and her family, and gave it to her along with a picture of myself before she left.
The mirror
There was a mirror we could look into to see a comic book drawing of ourselves looking back at us. Other girls looked in it and their cartoon reflections were really cute. They were drawn really erotically, like X-rated comic characters with tits and ass all over the place. One of them looked like Kim Basinger’s character Hollywood in that shitty movie whose name I can’t remember. [I rememeber now. It was "Cool World."] It was half animated and half live action. I think Gabe got off on how cute the other girls were in the mirror. But when I looked in the mirror, I was ugly. I wasn’t blonde and sexy in the slightest. I had flat, short black hair and a broad pale face. I was the ugliest. I started crying and jumped into the shower to wash off my useless makeup that I felt stupid for wearing because it didn’t make me look any more attractive at all. That’s when I found Melissa, crying and slicing her wrists.
This is a doodle that Gabe and Kings composed.. Spongebob a la Kings' artistry.
10:54 p.m
This is my drawing of Geoff. Pretty good for a stoner, huh? ---->
We spent the rest of the night loafing around, drawing random things on pieces of paper that I got from Josh to write this entry, and Kings wrote a few lyrics on the back of it. I drew Kings too. By what Kings wrote, it sounds like he was out of it:
This guy from Peh-Beh
I had a bunch of shitty dreams the other night. I also dreamed up a whole spy movie too, with freakin Harrison Ford in it. He played some lame security dude, but not the main character. The main roles were a bunch of models. It could have been my subconcious regurgitating an old episode of VIP or something, who knows. I just remember that at the end, one broad was making a getaway on a rope hanging from a helicopter in the air. I hate those fucking scenes in action movies, with people escaping with a rope from a goddamn helicopter. Anyway, as they lifted her away, she pelted an apple at the bad guys. And then the bad guys, who in fact were a bunch of evil model broads, threw shit back at her. They were marbles but they turned into apples! WOw, I really have no idea what was going on there at all. All I know is that the chick who was escaping on the helicopter was pretty hot.
July 20, 2002
My brother told me the tickets I got him to go to the Smokin Grooves concert tonight were too expensive, so he sold them and gave me back the 110 bucks. Gabe and I hit up the mall again and I blew half of it on a pair of Pumas, a jacket, and some pants that all match. Gabe had to look for some Dickies so we headed for the Kmart at Carmel Mtn. Plaza but went to Ross instead, where he found these Ecko pants for 30 bucks. We love Ross. Then we headed over to Tom's house since his parents have been out of town and drank and talked all night. I sat by a bag of fish heads in the backyard. I guess Nick went fishing and ate what he caught and left a big plastic bag of fish heads out on the porch.
Kings and Nick had gone to see J5 and Outkast at Smokin Grooves while we were there, and Kings called Tom when Outkast was playing their favorite part of "Sorry Mrs. Jackson." It was choppy over the cell phone, but we all took turns listening to it. We finished the rest of the beers and shot the bull for a while before Tom todl us he was going to bed, so we left.
When I got home my mom told me she was checking out some clubs in La Jolla and asked me if I danced the same way when I go to raves. I laughed and told her that the music's not even the same. So she asked me how I danced. I don't know if it was because I had four or five beers that night, but I did a little dance for her. I showed her how Gabe dances, the little popping moves, and what I learned by watching him. My mom was amused, but I found it very bizarre, so I went to my room to pass out.
July 19, 2002
A couple shots of Jack and a few beers had me hugging the toilet tonight. Meanwhile Toca was doing the open-mic night at Hot Java and I thought that was tomorrow. He said I didn't miss much, it was hokey. I called him this morning to ask him when he was gonna be there again. We didn't get to hang out too much on our own because everyone bombarded Josh's house the last time he was over, so he picked me up and we had lunch at Red Robin which must be his favorite restaurant. He asked us last time where the closest Red Robin was. He mentioned going the mall and like a total retard i was like, "What mall? I wanna go!" He says I sound like a La Jolla girl. Which may be true if that entails wanting to hit the sale at Nordstrom to get the Puma shoes I've been needing. Dammit.
We went to UTC to have lunch and resolved to go and check up on Toca's Beemer that's in the shop in the area, but never got around to it. I had to drag him with me to Nordstrom for their silly anniversary sale and he looked around while I cooed over the "cute" (aaagh.. I hate calling shit "cute") Puma shoes and jackets. They weren't old school or anything, but they were cheap, and I got a pair of little Adidas capri pants so that me and Gabe can wear shants together and be some sort of junglist couple. I dunno. But I spent a hundred bucks on shit, dude. Not a good thing to do when you don't have a steady paycheck.
Toca said he didn't mind shopping at all, contrary to the common belief that guys are anti-mall. We didn't have a lot of time to really walk around before Gabe was off work and I was going to go meet him. So we left the clusterfuck at Nordstrom and grabbed a coffee as we waited for Gabe. Toca is very talkative one on one. We weren't high today either with probably made a big difference, but he was very silly. While we were waiting to be seated at the Red Robin he grabbed a big handful of mints from the dish and shoved them in his pockets, and then took another handful and shoved them in my purse. Even when we were walking around he was very animated. He asked me while we were on the phone today whether or not I was interviewing him. I just told him I'd rather talk to him as a friend, which I think he's now become.
July 16, 2002 Toking up with Toca
So yesterday Toca Rivera came to hang out with me and the guys. I’d gotten in touch with him through a Jason Mraz bulletin board. He went to my website and noticed that my editor was Rob Quillen, whom he worked with at Spin Records, along with everyone else in AcidNine. So I wrote Toca and told him how much my friends and I love his and Jason’s music, and since I’d never been to a live show, it’d be nice to meet him for coffee. “Better yet,” I wrote, “smoke some bowls with me and the guys. Are you down?” He said he would. I called Josh, the biggest Jason Mraz fan I know, and told him who I’d been talking to. “He wants to hang out and smoke,” I said. Josh was totally blown away and kept asking me if I was sure. “Are you fuckin joking me?” Josh always says that. It did seem to be a bit surreal to me. As I told Josh, it almost seemed that Toca was too nice. So I was excited to meet Toca and so glad that it was Josh’s day off too.
We quickly arranged to have an eighth by the time Toca arrived. “I can have it delivered immediately if you can be here in an hour,” Josh told me. It sounded like some kind of mission. I went to the bank and met Josh at his house. Gabe met up with us not too much later, and I called Toca to tell him where Josh lived. “I can’t believe I’m gonna have this guy chillin at my house,” Josh said. Toca actually called me while we were out getting beers, cigarettes and rolling papers. (I also bought four Crunch bars cuz I knew we’d be needing them.) Robby was home, but didn’t know Toca was trying to find the apartment.
When we came back, I met Toca outside and brought him in to meet all my friends. We had a few beers and talked on the porch, it was great. He was high and maybe a bit confused by all of our questions, but it wasn’t too long before we were all on the same level. We had a great time and laughed a lot. Gabe rolled a J and we smoked and laughed even more. Toca needed cigarettes so I gave him the free pack of Parliaments that I got with the one I bought, and we smoked and talked and ate Crunch bars the whole afternoon. He and I talked about the bulletin board, he told me about all the people he knows from it, we talked about their shows, what it’s like having fans, and Robby and Josh and Gabe and I all listened intently. It was the quintessance of a stoner story time. I asked him if Jason still smoked, and Toca said, “He’s really funny. He laughs a lot.” The thought of Jason Mraz laughing and stoned made me giddy. I bet that’s cute as all hell. So I mumbled to Toca, “I’d like to be his girlfriend.” I don’t know why I said it that way, Gabe was sitting right across from me, I think I meant to say, “I’d like to meet him.” But in some stoner mentality that we shared, Toca got the right idea, and told me, “One day if I ever have a chance I’ll introduce you.” Someone kill me. Kill the groupie. Light me up and burn me.
By the time the sun went down, Kings, Gaebe and Troy had all come over. I don’t think they knew who Toca was, but they all talked to him and thought he was pretty cool. I even started to think that maybe it was becoming too unintimate, that maybe Toca was getting bored or overwhelmed with all of my friends being there. At times he’d be sitting on the porch by himself which made me sad, but maybe we were too high to really think about it at the moment. Toca had told us at one point to not let him get any higher than he already was. He of course smoke a little more after the other guys came over. When they did, he asked me, “What, do you only have guy friends or something?” Maybe he was hoping that I’d have a bunch of girlfriends. When I asked him if he wanted to smoke with “me and the guys,” I meant, guys. I know he’s too cool of a person to mind though. I was very impressed with him. We didn’t get to jam or anything, but I was too bologna to sing, and Josh eventually passed out in his bed with all of us at his house like he usually does. I asked Toca if it was the first time he’d ever hung out and smoked with his fans, and it wasn’t of course, but I hope it was as much of a pleasure for him as it was for us.
10:12 p.m
I walk into Josh’s bathroom and the sink is covered in sheets of scribbled song lyrics, an ashtray, a guitar tuner and his acoustic guitar is leaned up against the bathtub. I love that guy. He’s moving to Wisconsin to live with his dad and leaving this awesome apartment in RB. He’s giving Gabe his 50 gallon aquarium, the one that he kept those decrepit goldfish in and poured vodka in to get them drunk. He played some old Rage footage from a concert in 93 with Maynard doing “Know Your Enemy,” and some footage of Tool doing “46&2” that gave me flashbacks of seeing them back in 97. An incredible experience. They sound awesome live. But I think I was too young then to really appreciate it. It was all about getting fucked up in the pit then, more so than it is even now. I’m going to post the review I wrote for that show, which I think is pretty good for a 16 year old, on my writing page soon.
Kings just came over with an 18 pack. Josh is playing “Bad Town” by op Ivy. Now Stevie Ray Vaughn. Kings and Josh are singing like a couple of drunken bums. It’s too bad beer cans don’t clink when you toast them. That is very anticlimactic.
The next morning
By the end of the night, Geoff, Kings, Josh and I had all sung “Creep” at the top of our lungs as Josh played the guitar. We ad-libbed and everything, it sounded horrendous. We were all pretty drunk and high. Gabe sat the whole time at the computer and download videos of people liquid dancing and popping, like Mr. Wiggles, who is too good a dancer for me to handle. I didn’t watch that many of the videos he downloaded cuz I get too giddy and overwhelmed by how amazing some people are, how cool it is that Gabe can do it, and how much it’s probably a good thing that I can’t. I’d look like a fool. When we were all singing as loud as we could (for some reason, when you’re drunk, you think you’ll sound better if you’re loud), it was at least past midnight. Robby had gone to sleep at maybe 8:00 p.m., and he was right in the next room. Josh played a riff that he made up on the guitar that he’s played before; I think they called it “Smokin on some ganja,” and we each took turns making up our own versus. It was the greatest fun ever. Josh had wanted me to come over so that I could sing, and as I could tell earlier it was because he’d been playing guitar all day. I knew he did it in the bathroom because of the acoustics. Bathrooms have the best acoustics ever. It’s just like how Gabe notes that grocery stores have the best floors to dance on, I’ve been in some bathrooms with acoustics that made me feel like a goddamn recording artist.
July 21, 2002
He stared into my eyes
And axed for un cigarette…
When told that I didn’t smoke
He gazed into the sky
Cursing from where he came
Glossy eyes fool fools
But I am wide awake
And know this time
Has fucked is fate.
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