After I waited for Bam to get out of work we went over to Mira Mesa where Nelson told me Sam, Kara and Alex were having a party at their new house. Gentry was there and I also saw Josh, with his freshly-dyed black hair and black t-shirt.. he looked like someone from Papa Roach. It looked good. Bam saw a couple of old friends that he didn't recall actually lived in his old neighborhood with him, probably because of all the drugs he takes. We didn't stay there long seeing as how there was nothing to drink, but I did steal the last beer before we left.
         From there we went to Bam's friend Paul's house in Clairemont. Alcohol supply there was ample from beer runs. We were told there were a bunch of people there but when we arrived only seven or eight people in the room. About an hour later all these kids started filing out of the rooms and going outside like rats just coming out of the walls, we didn't know where they came from. I got a cut in my lip when Paul put me in a headlock and we stumbled into a wall. I told him he looked "pretty fly for a white guy" and called him a "wegro." So he told me he thought I was freak with my necklace and black clothes, which insulted me at first but was kind of satisfying to know later. We were pushing each other and messin around after Bam had already left us in the hallway to use the bathroom, and then he heard some thrashing around and me screaming outside the door. Paul did apologize for the bloody lip, though.
        They had the music up really loud and the neighbors were getting pissed. Bam danced a little and I watched him from the couch, sitting back and smoking a cigarette like a dirty old man in the front row of a strip club. The day I'm no longer in awe of the way he dances is when I can move just as well as he does, and that will never happen. What a sexy motherfucker.

March 5, 2001

         I stayed home today and watched more t.v. than I have for the past few months altogether. Trying to tape all the good movies off of Pay-Per-View. Daria is still my favorite show. I can say that after seeing almost three episodes of it and finding enough parallels between the situations of that show and my own life to be convinced it's a show only I can relate to. Of course Bam's favorite episode is the one where her parents get all drugged out in the woods.
         Oh yeah, there was a school shooting in Santee that's been all over the news. The second I saw the headlines on t.v. this afternoon I got kinda sad, and then I just thought "Damn fool kids'll never learn." Thank god the suspect isn't a goth kid. What now, 20/20.
         I thought about meeting the guys for coffee today but I didn't, I was too preoccupied with cathode rays and Britney Spears' body. I talked to Bam twice today.. fuckin sweetheart actually calls to talk to me. After I meet him at school tomorrow we're thinking of going to Sarah's house and drinking our asses off. He has to work, but maybe I can stay there and wait for him and talk to her dog. Lonely housewife-style.
         Lastly, in between taping movies today, I had the motivation to actually try to learn "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails on the keyboard. Been curious as to how it would sound. Not hard to play, but there's not much to the song, so I'm already bored with it. Probably the most productive thing I did today. Wack.

March 10, 2001

I got the gift that Tom had been teasing me about tonight in the mail.. I forgot that I even told him I wanted that Portishead baseball shirt. I also stayed home for the first time tonight in what seems like a week or two. Bam was too tired to hang out after work, and Jon was way busy at work. He called me back around 10:00 and told me Brian had asked him to go bowling, but neither of us were really up for it. I'd called Jon today to tell him that I did a nude photo shoot [which I didn't intend on mentioning on the site, but oh well, let's see if anyone actually reads this shit]. After talking to Jon I really think I should have gotten more than I did. Fucker.

I came across some really cool sites through eBay. After doing this last shoot I've found myself looking to buy some more sexy shiny vinyl gothic hooker clothes. I remember when I got the job as a bartender at the strip club, even Roland felt compelled to pick me out some skanky clothes. Vinyl dresses and shit are very visually appealing. Then there's this gothic site I went to that's really fucking cute, Spooky Boutique. Haysoos, gothic crap is really expensive, man. But I found this site that has the whole Leg Avenue PVC collection for damn cheap, GotLingerie.com. They had that dress I tried on last Halloween, the black and red vinyl Chinese dress from Mileage, for 24 bucks! Fuckin sexy. I'll get a medium this time though so that my ass won't be hanging out of that shite.

March 11, 2001

Bam and I were having coffee in P.B. when Darien called us to come over to this raverrific party on the beach. It wasn't bad actually, after I had enough to drink. This guy Rodney gave me some alcohol, even though I forgot how utterly disgusting gin is after doing shots of it with Roland, goddamn does it suck, but it was either gin and juice or rum and coke, and I can't even smell rum or else I'll flashback to that night in Escondido and start puking. They gave Darien a beer too which I drank the rest of while he was dancing, and to keep my buzz going, I went back to Rodney to get some shots of rum. The party ended at 10:00, and we kind of drove around aimlessly before we ended up parking in the lot by my neighborhood to kill time and sober up. I felt like shit was shaking around in my head with ever bump we drove over. Chili Cheese Fritos are fucking good. Then after we left we couldn't find a Jack In the Box with an open drive-thru, cuz the pricks by my house close theirs at midnight. I came home early, around 1:15, and drank ridiculous amounts of orange juice.

March 14, 2001

Whip it...Whip it good...          Nitrous night for Gypsy and her friends. I gave Bam a day to miss me and showed up at coffee to see the guys. Kings and I went with Daman to his house and jammed. I heard Daman playing the intro to the acoustic version of "The Warmth" by Incubus in his room and I ran over to him and jumped on his bed like a dog, saying "What song is that? I know it!" I knew it was Incubus and I wanted to sing it. Daman didn't have the whole song down, but I got enough shits and giggles out of doing the first verse. He even hooked up a mic. Kings played the bass, and sang karaoke-style. He sounded homeless. We met Geoff's girlfriend for the first time. I was quite fond of her because she reminded me of Emily Bergyl, the lead from the Carrie sequel (which is a forking awful movie but nevertheless one of my favorites). It was probably the curly black hair. I wrote some words to the song Daman made up, and Geoff and his girlfriend Christina showed up right before it was time for me to sing it. I was actually nervous, and I didn't like the microphone. I can hear myself better without it. Everyone still said it sounded good.
         We all went from Daman's house to F Street to get some whippits (sp?) and drove up Mt. Soledad to do them. Neither I nor Christina had done them before, but I couldn't say no when she looked over at me with her cute little face and said, "Come on, try it with me." I was like, Awwww. That broke the ice and from that point on I felt chummy with her. Meanwhile Kings, Geoff and Daman were screaming at me in the car going "Come awwwwwwn... Everybody's doing it" like a bunch of bullies trying to get me to join them. The Whippiteers. The Balloon Animals.
         So I did, and it was fun. Christina and I each did ten and the guys finished off the rest of the three full boxes. I'm too lazy and it's too trivial to describe the way I felt, but I have it all in my memory anyway. I just thrashed around trying to sleep that night and had crazy ass dreams about dogs and cats talking to me.

March 15, 2001

Interview for the job at Union Bank this morning (pronounced "onion bank") and I kicked ass. All B.S. was executed perfectly...I answered their questions like a goddamn Miss America. Fuck the interview for World Savings Bank tomorrow.. I'm thinking I should screw it up on purpose.

March 16, 2001

Interviewed by this wench at World Savings this morning, where their clients aren't "young spenders, but rather, senior savers." Meaning old farts complaining to me with their teeth nearly falling out of their mouth, for eight hours a day. Fuck that shit. The interview sucked. I sucked too, and kind of pon purpose. I sounded like a goddamn moron. I answered "I don't know" to about three of her questions. Besides, I'd have to dye over the blue streaks in my hair, wear only red or pink nail polish, and shoes were limited to closed toed pumps. I wish they could have given me the job solely so that I could show up on my first day dressed like a drag queen. Green wig, eight inch platforms, fake boobs hanging out. The whole building would have an instant heartattack. I went home from the meeting wanting to kill that lady for some reason, just because that place sucked so badly.
         A few hours later, Union Bank called me and offered me the position. It's 4:43 right now and I'm on my way to meet the guys for coffee, and RYYYYAN's in town. Just for one day. We're all going bowling, and Bam is going to meet up with us. I'm stoked, I feel good. And I'm not even doing nitrous.